The Gift of Shock

On March 23, 2013 when I was out doing errands, my husband Glenn suffered a massive brain hemorrhage. When I arrived back home I found him in bed in duress. Just staring at me with his big blue/grey eyes. His eyes were big as a house and seemed to look right through me.

It was soon evident that Glenn was in trouble. He tried to tell me something, but it came out all gobbledygook. I remember calling 911, doing life support measures and calmly stepping aside for the paramedics so they could take over.

This calmness continued for the five days while I sat vigil by his side in the ICU, took him off life support, planned his funeral and memorial service.

At first, I thought something was wrong with me because I hadn’t fallen apart, yet…

Then after the funeral and memorial service behind me grief hit me like a ton of bricks. I remember the exact moment. I was at my best friend’s house in MD. She had driven to NY to help me with his memorial service and I rode back to MD with her and was to fly home to CA from there. The night before I was to fly home I was in bed staring at the ceiling late at night when it suddenly hit me that my husband had died and was never coming back, and I was alone.

I must have cried a river that night and for many nights after that. It was physically painful. I had felt nothing like this before. Up until then I was coping just fine. I remember even smiling and chatting people up at his funeral and memorial service. It didn’t feel so bad at first. I was okay.

In hindsight those first few months after my tragic loss I was in shock. I’ve learned that the body gives us the gift of shock so can get through the tough times. I don’t know how I could have made it through those first few raw months without it.

If you are new to grief just know that grief is a process, a journey of sorts. Each journey is as individual as you and your loved ones. I also know there are some guideposts along the way that help us get through and one of the first of which is the gift of shock.

Please follow and like us:
error

2 thoughts on “The Gift of Shock

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Facebook
Facebook