Home Alone

I’ve spent more time alone since my husband’s sudden passing 7 years ago than ever before so when the world started staying home over a week ago due to COVID-19, my life didn’t change that much.

My dear mother-in-law has been isolated in a nursing home for almost 8 years now. When I called her yesterday on the 7^th anniversary of my late husband’s passing (her son!), she too commented about this. We sat silent on the phone for a few minutes after that. We both understood.

I later called my 86-year-old mother to check on her. Like my mother-in-law and me, she too is widowed and lives alone. My father has been gone for over 30 years, longer than they were married (26 years). I asked her if she had thought more about my dad (her late husband), during this time. She immediately replied, “Oh yes! If he was still here, I can think of all the things we would be doing together at home.”

My late husband, Glenn is on my mind more than ever now. Not only is it the anniversary time of his sudden passing 7 years ago but with this horrible virus and families staying home together, his absence is huge, its tragic, its lonesome. Like my mom, the idea of being at home with my late husband right now seems like a wonderful and beautiful dream.

I keep reading on social media about how couples are having a difficult time being forced to stay home together. Many say domestic violence and divorce could be on the rise. This could be true. But what is also true is that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for those who do have loved ones living with them to bond, to grow together, to love more. To allow grace to enter and let the little things slide by.

As I write this, Its early Sunday morning, March 29^th. Seven years ago, today was my second full day as a widow. Today is my 7^th year and second full day as a widow. I would give just about anything to have my late husband with me today. He’d probably be reading the Sunday NY Times, I’d be working on some craft project or looking at recipes and preparing an amazing meal for us to share. We’d have music playing, take a walk together with our dog, Hannah and later watch a movie. I would feel so secure, so loved.

Yet, I write this at home alone and widowed. However, I can still read the Sunday NY Times, I can still work on some craft projects, I can still write, I can still prepare a yummy meal, I can still take my dog, Hannah for a walk. I can still watch a movie and I can always feel the deep love for my late husband (and he for me), and feel Glenn in my heart today and every day. Knowing and feeling this helps me to feel less alone.

So, if you are home alone like I am, may you find some joy today in the little moments. Since being suddenly widowed, I’ve come to appreciate the little moments the best.

For the first time in many of our lifetimes, as a society, we are ALL in this together and not one of us, NOT ONE, is truly alone. Those days are over, forever!

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