How Alone Time Helped Me Heal

afterlife, Hope, living in the moment, Love, Memories
I’ve always been a loner and have had the ability to keep myself occupied and happy without much. As a young child we lived in National Parks where I spent a lot of time in nature. Nature teaches you that you don’t need much to find the beauty because its right in front of you like a gift. I spent many lazy days in fields of wildflowers as a kid without a care in the world. I always felt looked after and safe. It was an innocent time. Then as I grew and we moved to cities and life took other turns, I lost much of that magic I’d found in simple things. Life became complex and busy and “tomorrow,” would be when the good times would arrive. Today was…
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Happy Fathers Day

afterlife, Dreams, Father's Day, Fathers, Holidays
My father was my first love. I was his favorite child. Although he loved and adored all of his children, it was obvious to me early on that I was his little mini me. He had a zest for life that I fell in love with. My dad was an adventurous man. He loved exploring. On the weekends he would seek out fun things to do. Nature hikes, art museums, concerts in the park and festivals of all kinds were typical weekend outings. He would invite the whole family to go and for whatever reason, I was usually the only one interested. We went fishing a lot. So, when my father proclaimed one night at the family dinner table that he was going to start taking one child per month…
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How I Connected with my Late Husband

afterlife, Dreams, Hope, Love, Memories, Widow
Before my husband died I had very little belief in anything afterlife. I thought anything beyond our physical world was “woo, woo,” and wishful thinking. In hindsight this was more of an intellectual idea rather than based on fact or research. I just took it for granted and assumed that when the physical body dies, the light goes out forever. The end of the road. On the other hand, my late husband Glenn was a true-blue believer that we go on after our body dies. He would often say, “I know there is something bigger, better and it’s all about love.” The last time Glenn said that to me was our last night together as we knew it. We were having one of our many late-night conversations in bed when…
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I’ve always been intuitive and in touch with nature. When I was 4 years-old we lived at Mt. Rainer National Park where I spent a lot of time outside. I used to lay in fields of wild-flowers and imagine that I was a raindrop who would turn into a bird and fly away after bouncing off a flower. I would then run home and ask my mom why I wasn’t able to do this. She never had an answer for me and also never discouraged me. When I was 18 years old, I gave birth to a son. I instinctively knew I was going to have a boy, born on leap day (was due in early April), I would have a C-section, and all would be well. All came to…
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Look for the Good

Hope, living in the moment
My grandmother always said, “look for the good because the bad always shows itself.” Grief is tough enough to deal with without adding more conflict. Secondary loss is real. I’ve known many who are bereaved who have experienced more than one loss in a year, some have had multiple losses all at once or over a short period of time. Others have lost income, friends, have experienced illness and so much more. Now, here we are, not only dealing with grief and all that brings, add COVID and all that brings, and now we have riots and all that brings. We may not be able to control many of these bad things that come in life. We also can’t control the behavior of others. But what we can do is…
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The “Official,” “Unofficial,” Start of Summer

Holidays, living in the moment, Love, Memories
Memorial Day weekend has always been considered the unofficial start of summer in the states. I have many fond memories as a child of anticipating this holiday each year which meant we could go to the beach, have BBQs, sleep overs and vacations. School would be out soon, and the carefree days of summer would commence. Then when I met my late husband, he brought a whole new meaning to the holiday. Glenn was a beach guy. I knew this before meeting him because I would often to see him drive around town with a surfboard in the back of his truck. He took me to the beach on our first date and we spent each weekend there, Memorial Day through Labor Day for 14 summers. Glenn would pack up…
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More about Dreams

My blog post about “dreams,” from a few months ago has received more comments than all of my posts combined. So, I wanted to write some more about this fascinating topic. I’ve had a recurring dream since as long as I can recall. It’s always the same, I’m living my life in a world similar to ours, however it’s a location I’ve never seen before or heard of. There are modern buildings and streets, cars, trains, swimming pools and more. I have a house, friends and even have parties. I know my way around and could describe almost every detail. This dream has gone on for decades, even when I was a child I would go to this place at night. I even take vacations there. I’ve been to Italy,…
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Boy Crazy: Happy Memories

Dreams, Hope, Love, Memories
I was boy crazy since I took a breath of life. I always seemed to have a crush on a boy. As long as I can remember I was always this way. When my classmates were playing hopscotch and Barbie’s at recess, I was busy chasing boys on the playground. My mother didn’t know what to do with me so she just ignored my boy obsession in hopes that I would grow out of it but I never did. My first childhood friend was a boy. His name was Peter and he lived in a big modern house down the road from us in San Francisco. In the summer before I started kindergarten we moved to Mill Valley, CA which was just outside of San Francisco. We hadn’t been there…
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Goals and Living in the Moment

career, goals, Hope, living in the moment, Widow
A lightbulb went off for me yesterday regarding my future. I woke up early and started the day by joining a 6am Zoom meditation group. Since I was up so early, I decided to continue with this early productivity and joined an online yoga class right after. I then took my dog for a long walk and stopped by my community garden plot and did some tending to my budding little project of growing urban veggies. As I walked back home, I felt a sense of belonging to myself. I sense of self-empowerment. Butterflies and chirping birds seemed to be everywhere and for a moment I forgot about this terrible virus and was living in the moment. Then something happened. I started getting a download of ideas for my future.…
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420 (Not THAT “420”…)

Hope, Love, Memories, Widow
Seven years ago tomorrow, April 20th was my late husband’s funeral. A day I never thought I would ever have to face and certainly not in 2013! Glenn Was only 57. Although he passed away suddenly on March 28th, I wanted his funeral to be held in the same location as our wedding and just as perfect, so we had to wait a few weeks for the venue to become available. Glenn and I got married in 2001, just after 9/11. We chose a beautiful sanctuary in the middle of a bustling and somewhat sketchy, Hollywood neighborhood. If you didn’t know about the place you wouldn’t even know its there. The tiny art deco temple/chapel is set amongst one acre of lush tropical plants and flowers. Stained glass windows adorn…
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