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Anniversary Time

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Tomorrow would have been my late husband’s 64th birthday. He only made it to 57. Then, just two weeks later will be our wedding anniversary. The first four years after Glenn’s passing I would walk to the beach early in the morning on his birthday, where we used to often walk as a couple and leave a bouquet of happy birthday balloons and flowers. Then I moved house to a local beach community and stopped this tradition. Not for any reason, really other than feeling a shift in my grief as if its now planted in my heart forever, as loving memories. Many report having major grief waves hit during anniversary times. I’ve found this to be true as well. However if I sit back and notice, it tends to…
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Full Moons

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I used to love full moons. When I was a child we lived in far and away places where you saw the Milky Way each night and full moons shined like the sun. My father always told me that the moon was my friend and if I looked carefully I would notice that it followed me. He said that the full moon was a guardian angel of sorts and was always there and always will be. My husband died suddenly during a full moon. I’ll never forget the image of that big round full moon shining through the window just above my husband’s hospital bed on that fateful night before he took his last breath. Just after 2am on that horrible night I left the ICU for the last time…
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I Packed Up My Memories & Took Them With Me!

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At the end of the third year after my loss I moved from the house that my late husband I shared for over ten years to a local beach community about 10 miles down the coast. I had to downsize and got rid of 80% of our belongings to fit into my place. This was tough to do! I was afraid the memories of our time together would disappear forever. I feared before that move that time would take away my memories of us. I didn’t have many pictures of Glenn and only one 30 second video. Glenn was always on the other side of the camera and taking pictures of everyone else so the few I have of Glenn are very precious! Evidently, this is common for the bereaved.…
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So, you walk on through the dark

Hope, Love
The first fall/winter when I was widowed was rough for me. The shock had worn off and I was miserable. I hadn’t really learned about grief yet and what that was all about. This was before I knew that grieving was a journey, not a destination, nor a time. Those first few months I would spend hours in my home starring at the walls like a zombie. Then one day I stumbled upon a saying by the Canadian Singer/Poet, Leonard Cohen. “There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.” I was speechless, I could feel the meaning to my core and remember breaking down in tears. I must have cried for at least an hour. My sweet dog, Hannah came running to my side to comfort…
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Balance

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Tomorrow is the first official day of fall, the Autumn Equinox. Equinox is a Latin word also called, autumnal point. The position of the sun at the time of the autumnal equinox crosses the plane of the earth's equator, making night and day of approximately equal length all over the earth, In essence balance. As we leave summer behind and head into fall, many think of harvest time where celebrations take place, families and friends get together more often to spend quality time together as we prepare for the upcoming holiday season. Yet for the bereaved this time of year can start a season of grief with triggers, anniversaries, memories and just wanting our loves ones with us during this special time of year. My late husband’s birthday is in…
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The Gift of Shock

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On March 23, 2013 when I was out doing errands, my husband Glenn suffered a massive brain hemorrhage. When I arrived back home I found him in bed in duress. Just staring at me with his big blue/grey eyes. His eyes were big as a house and seemed to look right through me. It was soon evident that Glenn was in trouble. He tried to tell me something, but it came out all gobbledygook. I remember calling 911, doing life support measures and calmly stepping aside for the paramedics so they could take over. This calmness continued for the five days while I sat vigil by his side in the ICU, took him off life support, planned his funeral and memorial service. At first, I thought something was wrong with…
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Dreams

Dreams, Love, Memories, Widow
About four months after my husband’s sudden and unexpected passing he came to me in a dream to let me know why he had died before his time. The dream began as if it was any other day. Glenn and I were in his truck driving on Mulholland Drive in Los Angeles. Mulholland is a famous road atop the city with amazing views as it curves around large corners. It stretches from Malibu to downtown Los Angeles. You’d probably recognize it from car commercials on TV. We were riding along as if Glenn was alive and well. I had no idea he was dead at this point. It felt and seemed so real. I was happy at that moment to be with Glenn again. Suddenly I noticed that he was…
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Holidays

Holidays, Love, Memories, Widow
Tomorrow will be a holiday in the USA, Labor Day. It’s also the last unofficial weekend of summer. I remember the first Labor Day and last with my late husband, Glenn. The first Labor Day we were newbies. We had been dating about 6 weeks at that time. It was on Labor Day that I turned the corner with Glenn and knew he was worth keeping. Glenn had a friend who lived on the beach in Malibu and invited us to spend the day. Since this was private property dogs were allowed on the beach so my dog, Scout came along. The fact that Glenn included my dog was a big win in my eyes. I was really starting to like this guy, I thought as we headed north on…
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Post Traumatic Growth

Hope, Post Traumatic Growth
    Just a few short months after the sudden and unexpected death of my beloved husband Glenn, I had an email exchange with a Sandy Hook mother who had lost her 6-year-old son Jesse on that terrible day. I don’t think anyone can imagine anything worse than the innocence of a kindergartener being gunned down by a deranged madman. Yet this tragic event happened to this mother just a few months before I had lost my Glenn. And what she said to me will stick with me for the rest of my life and is what encouraged me to start my foundation, “Connections of Hope.” “Out of trauma comes growth,” she said. “It’s called post traumatic growth. A strange phenomenon comes out of tragedy, your heart grows, sometimes doubles,…
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My story…

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March 23, 2013 started out like any other day. I left my house to do errands like I’d done so many Saturdays before that and while I was away, my husband Glenn suffered a massive brain hemorrhage. We never spoke to each other again. He was rushed to UCLA Medical Center where I was immediately told there was no hope. “He’s got a brain bleed,” the head trauma physician said. “As bad as they come. We’ll try and operate, but he’s already in a coma. Say your goodbyes now.” Glenn survived the surgery but after sitting vigil in the ICU for 3 days, more bad news. Glenn had 80-90% brain damage in his brain stem. Your brain stem controls your primal bodily functions, like breathing. There was no coming back…
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