Forgiveness

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I’ve been surprised by grief. There are so many things about grief and loss that I had no idea about until it happened to me. I think one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned since being widowed is how my heart has grown and forgiveness, over time, has come naturally. Many act out after loss. Grief has a funny way to making people act wonky. Families can turn on each other over the slightest thing and life-long friendships can end over silly misunderstandings. Grief has a way of bringing out the best and worst in people. After my husband died suddenly I did what I thought was the right thing to do and planned what I thought was a very thoughtful funeral and then a memorial service a few months…
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Anniversary Time

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Tomorrow would have been my late husband’s 64th birthday. He only made it to 57. Then, just two weeks later will be our wedding anniversary. The first four years after Glenn’s passing I would walk to the beach early in the morning on his birthday, where we used to often walk as a couple and leave a bouquet of happy birthday balloons and flowers. Then I moved house to a local beach community and stopped this tradition. Not for any reason, really other than feeling a shift in my grief as if its now planted in my heart forever, as loving memories. Many report having major grief waves hit during anniversary times. I’ve found this to be true as well. However if I sit back and notice, it tends to…
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Full Moons

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I used to love full moons. When I was a child we lived in far and away places where you saw the Milky Way each night and full moons shined like the sun. My father always told me that the moon was my friend and if I looked carefully I would notice that it followed me. He said that the full moon was a guardian angel of sorts and was always there and always will be. My husband died suddenly during a full moon. I’ll never forget the image of that big round full moon shining through the window just above my husband’s hospital bed on that fateful night before he took his last breath. Just after 2am on that horrible night I left the ICU for the last time…
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I Packed Up My Memories & Took Them With Me!

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At the end of the third year after my loss I moved from the house that my late husband I shared for over ten years to a local beach community about 10 miles down the coast. I had to downsize and got rid of 80% of our belongings to fit into my place. This was tough to do! I was afraid the memories of our time together would disappear forever. I feared before that move that time would take away my memories of us. I didn’t have many pictures of Glenn and only one 30 second video. Glenn was always on the other side of the camera and taking pictures of everyone else so the few I have of Glenn are very precious! Evidently, this is common for the bereaved.…
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Balance

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Tomorrow is the first official day of fall, the Autumn Equinox. Equinox is a Latin word also called, autumnal point. The position of the sun at the time of the autumnal equinox crosses the plane of the earth's equator, making night and day of approximately equal length all over the earth, In essence balance. As we leave summer behind and head into fall, many think of harvest time where celebrations take place, families and friends get together more often to spend quality time together as we prepare for the upcoming holiday season. Yet for the bereaved this time of year can start a season of grief with triggers, anniversaries, memories and just wanting our loves ones with us during this special time of year. My late husband’s birthday is in…
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The Gift of Shock

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On March 23, 2013 when I was out doing errands, my husband Glenn suffered a massive brain hemorrhage. When I arrived back home I found him in bed in duress. Just staring at me with his big blue/grey eyes. His eyes were big as a house and seemed to look right through me. It was soon evident that Glenn was in trouble. He tried to tell me something, but it came out all gobbledygook. I remember calling 911, doing life support measures and calmly stepping aside for the paramedics so they could take over. This calmness continued for the five days while I sat vigil by his side in the ICU, took him off life support, planned his funeral and memorial service. At first, I thought something was wrong with…
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My story…

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March 23, 2013 started out like any other day. I left my house to do errands like I’d done so many Saturdays before that and while I was away, my husband Glenn suffered a massive brain hemorrhage. We never spoke to each other again. He was rushed to UCLA Medical Center where I was immediately told there was no hope. “He’s got a brain bleed,” the head trauma physician said. “As bad as they come. We’ll try and operate, but he’s already in a coma. Say your goodbyes now.” Glenn survived the surgery but after sitting vigil in the ICU for 3 days, more bad news. Glenn had 80-90% brain damage in his brain stem. Your brain stem controls your primal bodily functions, like breathing. There was no coming back…
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