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I’ve always been intuitive and in touch with nature. When I was 4 years-old we lived at Mt. Rainer National Park where I spent a lot of time outside. I used to lay in fields of wild-flowers and imagine that I was a raindrop who would turn into a bird and fly away after bouncing off a flower. I would then run home and ask my mom why I wasn’t able to do this. She never had an answer for me and also never discouraged me. When I was 18 years old, I gave birth to a son. I instinctively knew I was going to have a boy, born on leap day (was due in early April), I would have a C-section, and all would be well. All came to…

Most of us are entering our second or third week of staying at home. For some its been longer and for others its just started. We are also well into Spring yet we are nesting as if its winter. There isn’t any place to run to because this virus is the world-over. Its leveled the playing field in many ways. I keep thinking (and mostly feeling), that when this is all said and done that we will emerge from our homes kinder, with bigger hearts. Time will tell. So, what to do in the meantime? Where can we find meaning and hope? For many who are bereaved, being alone has been a familiar friend so this time may not be as daunting because we already know aloneness. Yet, it can…

I’ve spent more time alone since my husband’s sudden passing 7 years ago than ever before so when the world started staying home over a week ago due to COVID-19, my life didn’t change that much. My dear mother-in-law has been isolated in a nursing home for almost 8 years now. When I called her yesterday on the 7th anniversary of my late husband’s passing (her son!), she too commented about this. We sat silent on the phone for a few minutes after that. We both understood. I later called my 86-year-old mother to check on her. Like my mother-in-law and me, she too is widowed and lives alone. My father has been gone for over 30 years, longer than they were married (26 years). I asked her if she…

I hate March. My late husband died suddenly in March. I’d be just fine if we skipped the month altogether and went from February to April each year. Today is March 15th, The Ides of March. Many say it’s the unluckiest day of the year. The idea that March 15 (or "the ides of March") is unlucky goes back to ancient traditions and superstitions. Most people have probably heard the phrase "the ides of March" quoted from a famous line in Shakespeare's play Julius Caesar: "Beware the ides of March." The phrase, spoken twice by a soothsayer, warns Caesar of his impending assassination. Even though March holds sad memories for me, I realize this day and month may hold happy memories for others. March could have your birthday, wedding anniversary,…

Do you ever get nostalgic and think about what your life would be like today if you made different decisions yesterday? I think this sentiment is common, especially for the bereaved. I was boy crazy since I took a breath of life. I searched for love all my life, found it at age 38 and lost it 13 years later when my late husband died suddenly of a brain hemorrhage, leaving me widowed at 51. 3 out of 4 of my siblings have been happily married for decades now. Most of my friends are as well. I’m the odd man out, the widow. Time and hard work have helped me not get down on myself over this and I find myself happy for others who have love. Yet, sometimes I…

Do you think its possible to have an actual conversation with our loved ones on the other side? If you ask a medium they will tell you yes, its absolutely possible to do this. I hear this often but I must admit I had doubts. The pattern usually goes like this, I have some sort of experience where it feels as if my late husband is near. Then times goes by and doubt creeps back in and I question what happened or justify and dismiss, until it happens again. I’ve heard many times over from others that non-verbal communication is how it goes on the other side. “Its an instant knowing,” the “purest form of communication,” because the answers just come, immediately as if they are stamped in your heart…

I’ve been surprised by grief. There are so many things about grief and loss that I had no idea about until it happened to me. I think one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned since being widowed is how my heart has grown and forgiveness, over time, has come naturally. Many act out after loss. Grief has a funny way to making people act wonky. Families can turn on each other over the slightest thing and life-long friendships can end over silly misunderstandings. Grief has a way of bringing out the best and worst in people. After my husband died suddenly I did what I thought was the right thing to do and planned what I thought was a very thoughtful funeral and then a memorial service a few months…